The 30th of May

Today She would have been 43 years old. Forty Three.
Today, She would have been on the phone to her kidlets, getting phone hugs. Or maybe we might have been down in Rocky having a party with everyone.
Today, we might have gone down to the creek to watch, and capture images of the native Rainbow fish in the creek. They can’t resist March (Marsh) flies, or anything that floats. We might have been in Cedar Bay again, or in some other place like Quinkan country, exploring places we hadn’t been before. Or we could have been cuddling up in front of the ‘Fatso’ Potbelly stove here at Norms place tonight. We could have been anywhere, because our future was going to be a long happy adventure together.
But now, she has gone. What I do now doesn’t really matter. The magic of it all isn’t quite there anymore. The adventures are there to be had, but there doesn’t seem much point in them now. Sometimes I get all interested in some place ‘away’, but just couldn’t be bothered. I already am ‘away’. There ain’t much more fuckin away than Bloodwood Road, via Bloomfield, FNQ. I am in the fucking boondocks folks. No TV. No radio. No landline. No mobile (cell) coverage. The nearest town is 70km away. Cooktown is once again just a place to get supplies for me. It’s still a good place, just not home. Yalanji country is sucking me into its caring, calming embrace. I have been pretty good these past weeks. No bouts of grief. No tears. Until today. But to be honest, I am still torn. I want to stay in contact with my family via phone and 24/7 internet, but this relative solitude, as in away from the noise of other people in a place even as small as Cooktown, is very calming.
There is a mournful vibe all over at the moment though. It’s not just today that is sad. Norms niece lost her baby on the weekend (miscarriage) and was rushed to Cairns for blood transfusions. She was due in September. Two old folk have passed on at Hopevale. Another girl lost her baby to SIDS.
The weather is reflecting the bleak mood in the communities; cold, damp & overcast. Maybe when the skies clear, our moods will lift.
I also found out that my mate George can go back to his school bus run. Which means my relief job is finished. Which means I have to make another decision about where I live soon. As much as I want to live here, the need to have regular work may force me back to Cooktown.


3 thoughts on “The 30th of May

  1. you know I will think of her today…as I do everyday…….

    thanks for link so I could get tinas pics…. I know see can see me…but I have to see her at times to help with my own fight..

    I hope when you are near town and able to you come say hi at the site..

    miss you Brad..

    Happy Birthday Tina…

    love you dearly..


  2. A moment of quiet reflection here and the hope you are well G… and a wish for a day filled with happy memories in honor of our beloved ph03nix’ Birthday.



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