Sitting here feeling really confused, conflicted. Listening to Clare Bowditch, ‘Miss You Like The Rain’
You know I miss Tina like I miss the sunshine. My breath. My life. My reason. But today, listening to this song, I miss that other person. I miss her smile, and her voice. I miss her aura.
(I said I wouldn’t do this)
I sound obsessive, infatuated, desperate. I know. But I can’t help how I feel. If you met her, you would understand. I tear myself apart, trying to work out how I can feel this much for someone, only eight months after She went away. I try to make excuses and step away. I try to think about how I feel, the way a psychiatrist or counsellor would, using my loss as an excuse for grasping for someone to be close to again. But it keeps coming back to me feeling real feelings for her. Not an escape. Yes, she has been an exquisite distraction from my loss. But I didn’t jump into this, looking for a distraction. She struck me, in our first few conversations, as someone unique, different. Someone who I could be with 24 hours a day. But hey, it won’t happen.
Anyway, these lyrics from ‘Miss You Like The Rain’ reminded me of her.
Yes, I miss you like the rain. I see you time and time again. Two shadows, bending on the concrete pave. I want to know your name, I can’t help dreaming of you. Yes I miss you like the rain, falling softly on a Summers day. I know you feel the same.
I fought too.
And yes, I miss you. Like the rain. I can’t stop dreaming of you.
And if I can stop thinking of her, I will stop talking about her.