I Really Should

I am drunk tonight. Expect weirder shit than normal.
I Really Should…
…not blog when drunk.
…stop being a romantic.
…think before I act
…think less before I act.
…dig a vegetable patch. A BIG fucker.
…make these gardens pretty again, I like pretty.
…find my friend Sally-Anne, who has been in rehab for six months, and take her to her T.O. country (Starke River country) and help her build her house like we had talked about. I said I would, and Sally is a special soul. She needs a friend she can trust.
…visit my dear, beautiful friend Maddy, at Uluru. I love my Maddy.
…spend more time with Jasmine. My Jazzy is a most beautiful soul. And she gives the bestest hugs.
…find a man worth introducing to my mate. He needs a good man to look after him and treat him well.
…harden up. I’m too ‘nice’.
I remind myself of that remake of Bedazzled. You know, the scene where he turns into that oversensitive, sickly sweet SNAG? Well, fuck. Sorry, but I feel. And I don’t really give a fuck who cares. Yes, I cry at sad movies. Some songs make me cry. I really feel other peoples’ anger, pain, sorrow, tension. I feel it all. And it’s not just people I physically see. I have crumbled, reading a sorrow filled tweet from someone I follow. I have spent sleepless hours, because one of my online overseas friends was going through a bad patch. I can’t talk to Tinas children, because I feel their pain physically (& they mine). I am fully in touch with my feelings. I know both my feminine and masculine self. We *all* carry both traits. One is instinctively stronger in all of us. However, due to parental, sibling and social expectations and experiences, some of us fight our natural instinct and rebel against embracing our feminine/masculine side. That, in my humble opinion, is the root cause of gay prejudice and homophobia. Peoples’ fear of their selves. You don’t have to be gay to be sensitive and caring.
(end digression)
…stop being a ‘Yes’ man.
…harden up.
…not blog when drunk.


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