Feeling Lost

She left yesterday afternoon. I was in Cooktown when they left. Probably a good thing, because the way I feel this morning, I would have lost it I think. Well, I did really. I cried. I got angry with myself for crying. I paced the floor at home, trying to walk off my feelings. I tried to get drunk. I didn’t. I mean, she isn’t ‘gone’. She is still here, just not here in Bloomfield. I should be looking forward to when I see her again. Then I found a way to vent. I abused Telstra for having a fucking useless phone service. I mean literally. I phoned them because the landlines are down again and I went to town on them. Their 6 day repair window has now been prioritised to be fixed today. Maybe I should learn to get angry more often.
I might do Collaborations at Home Rule this weekend. A friend has invited me along, but my stupid head keeps telling me there is no phone reception there, which is my only contact with her. While I am in a reception zone, I know she is only a phone call or txt message away. Phone calls are better because I hear her voice and feel her smile.
I miss her. I’m allowed to.
This bit is for you:
Will you ever have the confidence to believe someone can love you more than they love themselves? Will you believe that their love is pure, not veiled lust? Will you be able to trust enough to know that the person who loves you holds you in such high esteem that being around you fulfills their day. That a touch is remembered all day? That one smile, one laugh can sustain them? Will you believe that the thought of you hurting tears at their heart? Will you ever really believe that someone could fall in love with you so soon after first meeting you? Do you believe that I would walk two thousand kilometres to be by your side, to hold you in my arms and tell you that it will all be OK? Can you believe that I would leave here, this paradise, to be with you? I love you Rosie.


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